One thing I realized is I hate breastfeeding. I wrote a top ten list of things that I just hate about it. Please understand it's just my lack of supply that has made me bitter. Also, just because I hate breastfeeding doesn't mean that I won't continue for several weeks/months. I know it's for the good and health of Sophia and my hate for breastfeeding is my own issue. So these are just what I have realized after one month of breastfeeding.
10) It wears you out. Literally. Sometimes she wants it every hour. Sometimes she wants to eat for longer than a hour. I spend all day feeding her.
9) I hate waking up in the middle of the night to feed her. Especially when Sandro is sleeping next to me and snoring. While I know I would have to do that with formula feeding..you don't spend a hour BF and then formula feed.
8) I have to watch everything that I eat and I have to avoid gassy foods. Vegetables are limited. I love spinach and broccoli ... no more.
7) No matter how hard you try I can not get comfortable to breastfeed. My back hurts in the evenings because I have to lean over...or I have no back support.
6) Your always on a schedule. You can't really BF in public so you have this one Window of time to get everything done that you want. While I am okay with BF in the car Sandro feels like we should just go home for a hour and feed babygirl before heading out. That sucks.
5) I feel lonely when I do it. Sandro is only around for a few of the feedings but even when he is there he is off doing something else and there I am sitting alone.
4) I had high expectations that it would be easier that it is. I am so jealous of those girls who complain about there over supply.
3) I bought all this stuff to store and pump for daycare. I realize now that it was a mistake. Most of it can't be returned (especially the $300 dollar pump) and I am just disappointed that it's not working out like I had envisioned.
2) My nipples are so sensitive. Especially after a all day feeding fest.
1) The number one issue is that I am just not feeling that this is what is making us bond. While I am bonding with her, it's not being done when I BF. I hate when people tell me how much bonding they got from breastfeeding. I am just not feeling it.
I am starting to focus on small projects during the day to keep me occupied while she sleeps. One thing that is helping me is the Moby wrap. I am wearing it now as I type. It allows me to be hands free but still stay close to here. It's actually pretty convenient and easy to use. I know it will help when I start working again. She instantly falls asleep when I put her in. It's really good for bonding and I love how I feel when I am wearing her.
Here are my brownies I made. Below are picks from where Sophia was watching. (but she fell asleep in her bouncer)
Close up of baby girl in her bouncer.
My set up! Laptop and Sophia!
3 comments:
I am a woman who loves to sleep. That being said, I totally had Ethan sleep with me while breastfeeding at night. Did you know you can breastfeed laying on your side? When he started to cry all I had to do was roll over next to him and he would nurse and we both would fall back asleep. I used to think that women could only breastfeed sitting up, but once I learned the laying on the side trick, we were a happily bfing pair. Also, there are special bfing clothes you can wear that make for discrete bfing. Women breastfeed in public all the time, but nobody notices because there bfing babies are happily covered by a sling. There are techniques I learned while going to La Leche League meetings that help you breastfeed wherever you are. If I have another child, I definitely won't be as bfing shy as I was at first. Oh yeah, and they make a lanolin cream that is meant to heal sore and cracked nipples. It works wonders!
P.S. Another thing I learned is that when a bfing mother sleeps with her baby, the sleep cycles actually become in sync with each other. For example, when mother is in a light sleep, so is baby. When baby is in a deep sleep, so is mother. It makes sleeping with baby completely safe as long as you have bed rails and/or the bed is pushed up against the wall. Some women just sleep on a floor mattress. Whatever works for a peaceful night sleep!
Btw, you can still pump. As long as you are physically available, baby is going to want to nurse. When you're at work, she will accept the bottle. It may even comfort her when you are not around.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone is their own special person.Your doing right for you and you sound like a great Mom. I am very proud of you.
Love ya,
Mama
First of all - what an adorable little girl! I hope you are feeling better today, don't be so hard on yourself it sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job.
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