What I want isn't always what I get

Over the past several weeks I have been attending a Bradley Method Childbirth class. Sandro has been going with me and we are learning a ton. Sandro has really been good about learning his role as my partner and coach for the birthing process. He prepares me food and make sure I am eating a proper diet. He feels that it's his ultimate responsibility to get me through this birth. I appreciate this of course and I am so HAPPY to have a supportive partner. I think what I am finding difficult is setting myself up for failure. I always seem to have an ideal of how I want things to happen. It's the control aspect of my overwhelming personality. It something doesn't go right in my plans I feel this dramatic feeling that I failed. So what I am trying to do is focus all of my attention on being positive and just letting it happen. I want a natural childbirth and I will try my hardest to get through this but I need to focus on making sure I realize that not everything will go as planned..and if it doesn't go as planned then this is okay, and that I and baby girl is going to be just fine. I tried to explain this to Sandro and I think he gets it but then again he tells me that he will do it all. That I will get my ideal birth. But I don't think this is helping. I need to accept the fact that I don't always get what I want and if my ideal doesn't happen we will be okay.

Also, I am having trouble finding names for baby girl. I can't understand why I am having so many difficulties. All I remember growing up was wanting to name my baby Felicia (if it's a girl) and Frisco (if it's a boy)... can you tell that I had a love for General Hospital. But now years later I don't like any name I am hearing and I am just NOT in love with it. Sandro also seems to have a opinion on any name I sorta like. So it makes it even more difficult. I just don't want our daughter to hate us for the name we choose for her. I want it to have meaning and be short and beautiful. I have looked for hours and I just haven't found that name. 25 days to go and you would think I had a few in mind. I just keep reminding myself that my MIL took a month to name Sandro...I can met babygirl first and then decide.

So here is what I have on my to do list. I am hoping I can get most of these things accomplished this weekend. I want to get to point where I can relax and not stress about the small stuff. I finally picked a bouncer for baby girl. It's nothing uber fancy but I love that it has green and lady bugs. :)

To Do List:
Clean Cars
Install and practice with Carseat
Returns of dups from babyshower
Deep Clean House (including renting carpet shampoo machine)
Wash baby stuff
Wall mount the baby monitor
Wall Sign needs to be put up
Clean Out Garage

Items I need for Nursery:
Trash Can/Wastebasket
Hamper
Decorative wall shelfs
Batteries (Rechargeable or regular) Tons of C's and D's
Items on Target Registry (changing pad, changing cover, extra car seat base, bottles and a few misc breastfeeding items)
Purchase Birthing Ball
Need some wall frames for new project I want to do

Ebay items:
Need travel baby monitor .. not urgent

How far along? 36 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 28 per last Dr. Appointment. (yeah I didn't gain at the last appointment..the first time for me..I am SURE I gained this time though.
Sleep: Sleeping pretty good most nights. However, my body has made an official stance of not sleeping on my back or my belly. It has to be on the side or it will hurt. Of course you really shouldn't be sleeping on your back at this stage so who ever said that your body will tell you...was telling the truth. I switch sides when I get up to use the restroom.
Best moment this week: Finishing some projects and celebrating our 3 year anniversary.
Movement: I love to watch her move. It's not a constant feeling but when she moves you know it's her. It's so cool to see the belly move. I secretly love that she really will only do it when it's me and (sometimes her daddy) is in the room. Every time my mom or my MIL try to feel it she stops. :) I know I am evil. I just think it's like something she just chooses to share with me. Wish I could get it on tape at least once though so my mom can see it.
Food cravings: Still no crazy pregnancy cravings. I will filling out the baby book and they have this long section to include cravings. All I had was chipolte and milk. There has to be something strange I want.
Labor Signs: Nope..(4 more weeks)
What I miss: I guess having that endless amount of energy. Now I am pooped from just taking pictures. We had hearts and hammers and I wasn't permitted to do anything by watch and take pictures and be a water girl. But that afternoon after we out there for 6 hours..I took a 2 hour nap and didn't want to move from the couch. I was that whipped.
What I am looking forward to: Still trying to finish some last minute projects for the nursery and actually feel done. Also, my MIL has volunteered to help deep clean my house. I am totally cool with that since I can't really do it myself.
Weekly Wisdom: There is great spray (which is witch hazel and some other essential oils) that work very well for swollen private areas. I didn't think it would help me much. It's called New Mama Bottom Spray. It's awesome. The combination of this and tucks are making me feel a little better these last few weeks.
Milestones: Technically baby is full term. Of course I want her to stay in there until she is good and ready. I feel like I am at a real big milestone and so much relief knowing that if she decided to make her appearance today she should be okay.

Project Started and Completed Yesterday..before Shot
Side note. This ottoman has been in the family for 2 generations. It originally belonged to my great grandmother.

Sandro removing the legs and the ugly blue dirty fabric. Apollo is observing.
I cleaned and used some wood polish on the legs. Wasn't a huge improvement but it does look better. No fabric on the ottoman and no legs. (except for Apollo's)

Close up of Finished product. Norma sent us some great fabric. Sandro is so freaking handy and did a excellent job of making sure that the staples and everything else was prefect.

Finished product with the rocking chair.

Weekly Update

How far along? 35 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 28 per last Dr. Appointment. (yeah I didn't gain at the last appointment..the first time for me..I am SURE I gained this time though.
Sleep: Sleeping pretty good most nights. It does help that Sandro gives me a massages in my achy parts. (Feet, back, shoulders, tummy) He just ask what needs massaging today.
Best moment this week: The terrific shower(s) that where given to me. I feel so loved.
Movement: She moves around like crazy. Sometimes it sorta hurts and she is now in different parts of the body that I didn't think was possible.
Food cravings: No overwhelming cravings. I am looking forward to when I can eat as much pizza as I want without getting sick to my stomach.
Labor Signs: Nope..(5 more weeks)
What I miss: For everyone not to think that I am crippled and can't do what normal people do. Yeah I may be get tired but I can walk and do things I did before I was pregnant. Just not as quick.
What I am looking forward to: Being completely done with the nursery. I still have a few remaining things to purchase and some wall decorating to do.
Weekly Wisdom: Talk to your significant other about how you are doing and don't hold back just because you are trying so spare their feelings. Not communicating just makes it difficult for all those involved.
Milestones: One more week until being full term. From what I read all baby is doing now is gaining weight. Gain baby...gain baby...(just don't gain to much you here)

I think I am getting into the difficult stage of pregnancy being in the home stretch and all. Each day I am noticing a new issue with my body and I am just not feeling pretty anymore. When I was overweight I never really had any aches and pains so this is all a new experience for me. I can list my laundry list of complaints but I find that it doesn't really help at all. Lets just say I have to keep reminding myself that babygirl is just renting me out at the moment and will be vacating soon. Just have to pushing through and not let these things get to me. Sandro is trying desperately to make sure I feel pretty and make me feel loved so I just need to keep as positive as I can during this last month.

This weekend the shower was amazing that my SIL and MIL hosted for me. I had so many friends, family and coworkers come out and enjoy Croatian home style cooking. I haven't laughed and smiled that much in weeks. It was a full house and I am so thank full that so many people have so much love for babygirl. For a minute there I felt all my aliments disappear. I really appreciate all the love I felt and it was truly unforgettable for me.

Picture of the week taken 09/15

Unfortunately my Stepmother Norma and Dad couldn't make it to the shower. But they did send me some amazing quilts all hand crafted by Norma herself. They where beautiful! Quilt # 2..She even put made especially for babyjuric on each of them. It was so cute.

Quilt #3 .. I can switch these out. They are so amazingly cute.

I think this bag holds all the quilts. It's really pretty as well.

She also made a tun of burp clothes that will come in real handy. Love them. New quilt on crib...with mobile. (Still have a ton of work to do in the room I feel like)

Weekly Update

How far along? 34 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 28 per last Dr. Appointment.
Stretch marks? Decided this question will be removed next week. Seems a bit redundant. Either you have them or you don't.
Sleep: Sleeping has improved a little. But she wakes me up rather early.
Best moment this week: Seeing all the beautiful maternity pictures. They turned out fab.
Movement: She is very active at the oddest times. But I can just watch her for hours.
Food cravings: The milk craving has died down somewhat. But I can only stomach smaller meals. How does that work? Eating less and looking bigger? I can't grasp that!
Labor Signs: Nope..(6 more weeks)
What I miss: Having all that energy. I can work really hard for about 1 hour then I am flat out tried as could be.
What I am looking forward to: My mom visiting this week for the shower. She hasn't been here for a while. I have been sorta down about that.
Weekly Wisdom: Organizing can make a world of difference on how you feel about your home.
Milestones: Two weeks away from being full term. (well full term in the respect I could pop at any time saftely) Man...it's nearing so fast.

Instead of Sandro and I being incredibly irresponsible with our money this month we decided not to take a last minute trip to decompress over the weekend. We spent the last three days cleaning and organizing the house. Below I have posted a few before and after pictures. We finished all 4 closests and only have the garage still to go. It's way to hot to tackle that project.

Sporting a new cut.
The purple outfit that MIL made

New Artwork

Hall Closet Before

Hall Closet After

Bedroom Closet Before

Bedroom Closet After