Monday, January 26, 2009

Is it hormones or am I just emotional?

So yesterday I was feeling pretty down. DH and I got into a argument because I asked him to clean the kitchen so I could make breakfast. Well he half assed it and I was pissed because I can't stand cooking in a dirty kitchen. It was not a petty argument..really it was just me ranting and raving for no reason. He was driving me up the wall. Well I think it set the tone for the rest of the day. After that we went to the mall to cash in his gc. He got some pants (4 nice pair at $49 a piece (originally 98)...but I digress) While we are at the mall I was continually getting uncomfortable about seeing all these pregnant people and babies everywhere. This used to not bother me but some reason I felt really sad that I wasn't pg. I felt this overwhelming fear that I wouldn't ever get to have a child. Of course I cried when I left. I asked Sandro to take me to the outside mall (it was chilly didn't think I would see much babies) so I had a little bit of therapeutic shopping. Got some super cute shirts and went to may favorite stores at Crate and Barrel And Williams Somona. It was a pretty good day. Then on the way to go work out I get upset again because Sandro and I get into a conversation about me paying to much attention to getting pg again. He thinks I should just let it go and let it happen. I on the other hand have all these fears I am dealing with. *can I get pg? *can I stay pregnant? *can a baby survive in me? Sandro basically thinks I am turning this into a project and that is noway to have a baby.
After that Sandro had promised to get me pizza (since I had made him breakfast that morning). But he didn't follow through. So again I get all upset. Crying again over not getting pizza. I think this all has to do with me about to ovulate because I have been pretty positive up until yesterday. I have been cramping and moody and bloated. This will only last a few days. (I hope)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Moving On

Sure I haven't posted for awhile. But I have to say that I am much better now. I have determined to believe that there is a reason why God decided to have us go through the pain that we did. I think it was a lesson of life and how truly meaningful that it is. It also made me realize that having a baby isn't as easy as I once thought. Going through all this we decided that we are done waiting and we are ready to be parents. I think this is what God's objective may have been. What ever the reason we realized deep down how much we want a family.

The doctor gave us the "A-OK" to go try again..so we are basically letting it ride and living dangerously (i.e. without prevention) and seeing what happens. I hope we are blessed with a child but I really don't want to put pressure on the situation. If it happens...it happens.

Let's see if my chart posts:




http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c542a