Slowly Improving

This week I am seeing some improvements in both myself and little Sophia. I think we are both learning and it's starting to feel like we are developing a bit of a bond. I am starting to notice her patterns. As in she sleeps way better at night if she has her naps during the day. Which means I need to make sure she gets them in. If she doesn't nap she gets over tried and will take double the soothing in the evenings to calm her.

Breastfeeding is becoming second nature. And I think I am slowly getting a increase. I do have some times where she is really starving and she wants to eat more than normal and she does...but it seems to be less and less as the days continue on. We where averaging about 3 oz every feeding time. Which was 8 times a day. But in the last few days I have she has cut this amount in half. Last night for instance she got up at midnight. I offered her breast as normal and she passed out (snoring) in 20 mins and didn't wake up till 3:30. But at 3:30 she was up to 5:00 a.m but went back down to 8:30 a.m. This type of schedule I can live in as long as she gives me a few breaks! :)

Yesterday we went to the doctor's appointment. It was my 6 weeks post partum appointment. She slept through that. Then we had to go her her 2 week neonatal screen. Yeah it's a bit late for that. But I didn't realize it was a must in the state of Texas. She handled it like a pro. Well she just slept through it. They poke her foot with a needle and squeeze blood out. Like 6 drops. she was oblivious. She had two really long naps yesterday.

She is starting to actually like to sit in her bouncer and even nap in her swing. So it's nice to have soothers that are working vrs only Sandro and I holding her. I do feel like this trip up to Oklahoma could be hit or miss. It's going to be a new challenge for us both. But I am looking forward to it because the entire Palomares/Tate/Kimbrough family will be there.

Here are the pictures of the week:

Instance cure for me needing a shower. Vibrating and seahorse lullabys.

Bath Time. This is before she started crying! :) I have some shots of those as well.

Playing with Dad. She loves to play with him.

Showing her neck skills.

Self portait.

Again. Mommy trying to get a shower in! :)

Baby Stats and Making Progress

So Sophia had her one month appointment and she is doing really well. Here is her stats from her last appointments:

10/29/09
H: 21 1/2" (90% percentile)
W: 7 pounds 9 oz (10% - 25% percentile) (the big concern since it was still below birth weight)
FOC: 13 3/4" ( 10%-25% percentile)

A week later had a weight check and she was finally over her birth weight.
W:8 pounds 5 oz

11/16/09
H:22 1/4 (75% to 90%)
W: 9 pounds 4 ounces (50-75%)
FOC: 14 1/2 (10-25%)

So Dr. is happy with her weight and length. She is overall healthy. They did want me to get the swine flu shot so they gave me the shot before I left. I already had the seasonal flu shot when I was pregnant. I know some people are against this shot, but I have to do what is best for her. It's a deadly virus for infants under 6 months and I wouldn't know what I would do with myself if I didn't do everything I can within my power to keep myself healthy. They want Sandro to get the shots but he is anti flu vaccines for various reasons. I told him that if he brings it home and she gets sick he would have to live with that. He understands. I support his decision. Going to knock on wood and say Sandro is really healthy and he has never "flu" sick.

Sophia is doing pretty good with going to bed. Sometimes it's a little hard to get her settled down but overall she is sleeping a long 5 hour stretch from 9:30-2:20 and then a second 3 hour stretch. Which to me is really great. I do accompany this to her hunger being mostly in the evenings. We do a bedtime routine..bath, massage, music, darkness/diming lights, food, starting about 8:30. We do a half swaddle at night (she likes her hands out.) She is still sleeping in the pack in play in the room but I would like to migrate her crib sooner than later.

Pictures of the week:

Dr Appointment outfit from 11/16. Getting a little meat on her bones.

Swing. Not sure if she likes it or not. It's good for about 5 mins.

Waiting on mommy as she blow dries her hair.

Don't you love her little pants.

Sandro with his two babies. Apollo loves getting attention.

Life Changes

So many changes are a happening and I just have to roll with the punches. I never realized how much things would change. All for the good I assure you. But at times I wonder why I never realized that these changes would effect me the way that they do. So at times I still getting a little depressed. But I am slowly getting used to being a mommy and hopefully the sad hard days get easier. I have to say that I am one of the luckiest woman in the world to be given the opportunity to have such a beautiful healthy daughter and I am so forever greatfull to have a chance to be a mom.

One thing I realized is I hate breastfeeding. I wrote a top ten list of things that I just hate about it. Please understand it's just my lack of supply that has made me bitter. Also, just because I hate breastfeeding doesn't mean that I won't continue for several weeks/months. I know it's for the good and health of Sophia and my hate for breastfeeding is my own issue. So these are just what I have realized after one month of breastfeeding.

10) It wears you out. Literally. Sometimes she wants it every hour. Sometimes she wants to eat for longer than a hour. I spend all day feeding her.
9) I hate waking up in the middle of the night to feed her. Especially when Sandro is sleeping next to me and snoring. While I know I would have to do that with formula feeding..you don't spend a hour BF and then formula feed.
8) I have to watch everything that I eat and I have to avoid gassy foods. Vegetables are limited. I love spinach and broccoli ... no more.
7) No matter how hard you try I can not get comfortable to breastfeed. My back hurts in the evenings because I have to lean over...or I have no back support.
6) Your always on a schedule. You can't really BF in public so you have this one Window of time to get everything done that you want. While I am okay with BF in the car Sandro feels like we should just go home for a hour and feed babygirl before heading out. That sucks.
5) I feel lonely when I do it. Sandro is only around for a few of the feedings but even when he is there he is off doing something else and there I am sitting alone.
4) I had high expectations that it would be easier that it is. I am so jealous of those girls who complain about there over supply.
3) I bought all this stuff to store and pump for daycare. I realize now that it was a mistake. Most of it can't be returned (especially the $300 dollar pump) and I am just disappointed that it's not working out like I had envisioned.
2) My nipples are so sensitive. Especially after a all day feeding fest.
1) The number one issue is that I am just not feeling that this is what is making us bond. While I am bonding with her, it's not being done when I BF. I hate when people tell me how much bonding they got from breastfeeding. I am just not feeling it.

I am starting to focus on small projects during the day to keep me occupied while she sleeps. One thing that is helping me is the Moby wrap. I am wearing it now as I type. It allows me to be hands free but still stay close to here. It's actually pretty convenient and easy to use. I know it will help when I start working again. She instantly falls asleep when I put her in. It's really good for bonding and I love how I feel when I am wearing her.

Here are my brownies I made. Below are picks from where Sophia was watching. (but she fell asleep in her bouncer)

Close up of baby girl in her bouncer.

My set up! Laptop and Sophia!

Learning the Ropes

Let just say that baby girl is keeping me on my toes. But I have to admit that she is a pretty good baby. I hear people who say their baby doesn't sleep at night and they don't have time to even shower, but we don't have any of these types of issues...well not on a normal basis. She is putting herself on her own schedule. If I feed her right before bed (about 8:30-9:30) she will sleep to about 1:30 then she gets changed and feed again 1:30-2:30 and wakes up again at 5:30 which works out great since Sandro has to wake up anyways at this time. Once I go back to work I will have to get up about this time anyways. Now on occasion if she has really bad gas she will keep us up in a loop of feeding, soothing, and crying but this has only happened a few times.

Now I must also admit that at this current moment I don't feel I have what it takes to be a stay at home mom. I crave social interaction and I beg Sandro to tell me all the gossip and everything that is happening at his work just so I can feel like I am part of an adult conversation. Solitude is just not my gig. Now I commend those mothers who can handle it and thrive on it but I don't prefer being at home. I have to say I haven't really felt that overall bonding feeling everyone talks about that happens at the beginning. Don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with baby girl but at the moment she only sleeps, poops and eats. She isn't up for much of anything else. I know this will change and I know my feelings will change once we start interacting more.

I am still struggling with the whole breastfeeding thing and sometimes this still makes me sad. I am eating oatmeal like a mad woman and taking FenuGreek and on occasion drinking Mother's Milk. I am not sure if any of this makes a difference. She latches on for about 20-25 each breast and then I usually end of feeding her about 3 onces of formula. Usually this process takes about 1 hour. I know that any amount of breastmilk helps even if she is only getting a small amount. Her Pedi is having me make sure I feed her about every 3 hours or less if Sophia wants it. She wants me to get about 7-8 feedings in a day. So if you do the math here, that means that currently my full time job is feeding our baby. So yeah it gets tiring. I feel like a milk machine. Our pedi also told me that the pumps don't always indicate how much milk the baby is getting and that I shouldn't worry if I am only getting drops after a feeding.

Baby Girl is stirring from her morning nap must return to work ;)

Here are some great pictures for your enjoyment

She loves laying with daddy. All calm after big meal.

Morning Nap. She ended up staying up the majority of the day.

One of the benefits of formula feedings. Daddy can help too.

Daddy was making fun of baby girl again.

First bath. She is okay at first but it always turns into a big drama.