This is directed to my readers that are either moms to be or new moms or any moms who have had a child. Lets just say that I never really listened to much when people gave me advice because well I wanted to figure everything out for myself. I still feel this way. However, I do want to suggest or mention to everyone about the fact that sleep is going to be missing often from your routine when you are a mommy. It's just part of the deal. I know there is going to be some lucky people out there that have babies that sleep all the time or through the night. This is wonderful for them. But they are not the norm. I thought that lack of sleep would not effect me but it really has. I wake up sometimes in tears asking Sophia why can't she just let mommy sleep. And I thank my lucky stars when she actually sleeps a good portion of the night. When she was first born she literally would wake up every 2 hours to eat. This made me crazy and angry and I guess you can say resentful at first because it was really hard for me to manage my patience. I should have have been more mentially prepared for this and I know I will be for the next one.
Lets just say that it does get better but you still will have bad days. For us Sophia has 3-4 good days where she goes down about 8:30-9:00 p.m. and wakes up only once to eat. I have to wake her up for daycare. These days I love and I have no issue. However, every 3-4 days she has a bad night like last night. She woke us up 3 times (12:30, 3:30, 4:30) and she refused to back to sleep. Yes, she was stuffy and just couldn't get comfortable and I understand this but it's really hard on a working mom when she does this. I have learned to accept this. It's just really hard some days.
To add to that I need to work on the fact that I really let everyone's opinion effect me even I try to tell myself that their advice doesn't matter. Because the reality of the situation is that it does matter to me what other think of me. I have been debating with myself to stop breastfeeding for the awhile now. Ideally I wanted to wait to 6 months but I am finding it harder and harder to keep motivated. I think it's because my supply still sucks and I really want to get back to dieting and feeling good about myself again. I look in the mirror and all I see is my belly (muffin top) and my super large breasts and I want to cry. I don't mind being a little larger frame. But I miss my body and the ability to control what I eat. I know these seem like selfish reasons to want to stop breastfeeding but it's truly how I feel. Sandro is completely supportive of what ever decision I make but let just say that Mother's guilt makes me keep doing it anyways. (in addition to what people would think about me giving up) I feel like I am having a internal battle with myself and it sucks.
I will leave this on a lighter note. Here is a slideshow of the V-day pics that Sophia took. She is so stinkin' cute. My mom still has not received her pictures yet. (Shakes fist at the US postal service)
4 comments:
Hang in there kiddo! Every kid is different. Some kids/babes STTN, some don't. Some like to co-sleep with Mom/Dad, some don't. Kids are fickle. C didn't STTN until he was over 8mos. Even now that he's almost 23mos, he'll have moments where he'll go to sleep then wake up at midnite or 2-3AM & won't self-soothe until either one of us comes in to get him. Bedtimes vary with each kid. C's bedtime ranges from 830P-10P. I tried to get him to go to sleep earlier a few times, like at 7P, but that just didn't work. We tried all the self-soothing methods out there - Ferber, COO, etc. The best for us was a modified version of Ferber. Even with this it was still difficult b/c he was experiencing ear infections, teething and just overall growing pains. Not getting enough sleep was a difficult pill for both my husband & myself to swallow. I was green with jealousy over friends of mine that had kids that would sleep 12-14hrs at one crack, where my kid was getting somewhere between 8-10hrs. He's still an early riser, but he's gotten better.
((HUGS)) Girl! I know where you are coming from. & don't let your Mommy-guilt make you feel bad. You need to do what is best for you & Sophia.
I completely understand where you are coming from with BF. You have your Dr's appt for Sophia today, right? Anyway maybe you will find out if you can give her certain foods which should help her sleep better. I think you should quit BF if you feel like that's what you need to do for you. Taper down and take a couple of days each feeding you quit and see how she handles this. I try not to tell you what to do, because in reality you have to do what is best for you. Just remember you are a good Mom and I am very proud of you. Maybe I will get lucky today and get the pictures.
Love you baby girl, hang in there
Lol. Now I REALLY feel like you understand what it means to be a parent. Changes will happen constantly, but the important thing is just being together as a family. I have read so many parenting books. You wouldn't believe how big my collection is! Parenting is a bit of a guessing/theory game. Good luck! I love you!
I know what you mean about feeling resentful at first because of no sleep! You don't want to feel that way but you are so exhausted that you almost can't help it. Her V-day pictures are ADORABLE!
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