Worried. Very worried. Also scared that I will be a bad mom. But mainly just worried. It's so early on and I am scared I will miscarriage. I am trying to stay positive and not think about it. At the same time I feel overly anxious about how this will all pan out. Do I have what it takes to be a mom? Will I be able to make it through this birth? This morning I was particularly grouchy with DH. For no reason really. Just not really liking the mornings much. My lack of focus is apparent and all I can think about is having this baby and the possibility that I may lose the baby. It seems that I both scared and worried and really anxious about what is to come. I guess you can add impatience to the list. Because I really feel that as well. We are almost at 5 week. I have 35 more weeks to go. It seems like a lifetime. I guess it's the fear of the unknown. I am such a control person and the fact that I have no idea what is happening inside me.
I think the hardest thing for me deal with right now is reading the 1st tri board. Every single time someone posts they had a m/c I think about how I am going to be next. Perhaps I just need to stop even reading the board for awhile. I just find it hard because I have nobody to really seek advice from or who is going through the same things. I did get a new book this weekend call The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy so far it's the best I have read regarding what I should be expecting in the next several months.
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