Testing Us Daily

Sophia has been testing us lately. A lot. I know this is normal behavior for a 2.5 year old and I am sure it will last the rest of her childhood..and maybe even adulthood. This week she seemed to branch on out to a higher level of testing.

Monday: She got really upset that her dress was not clean and ready to wear. She wore it all weekend and I washed all her other dresses but apparently not the right one. She went into hysterics. This set the pace for the entire day. She just did not comprehend that the dress was dirty and I had to wash it. Really at this point I can't do time out or anything. I need to get her happy and out the door. The tears lasted all the way to school. When Sophia arrived to daycare she was all red faced and flushed from all the crying. My little drama queen.

Tuesday: We go and pick her up like normal. We could see her running around in the little play area to the side. As soon as she gets in the car my MIL was telling me about how bad she was that day. That she disrupted the classroom most of the day and she was "wild" and would not listen. She also told her she would tell us and that TV would be off limits for the night. Sophia is going through a Cinderella stage. As soon as she heard her Baka tell me this she started screaming hysterically. I would repeat that there was no TV tonight. The screaming would begin. It was almost comical but at the same time we where serious. All the way home she asked about watching Cinderella and we would repeat..not going to happen tonight.

As soon as we arrived home she kept asking about Cinderella. We would repeat no. Then the tears start. Holy Moly did the tears start. Major tantrum that required me to put her in a timeout. (which is somewhat rare at the moment) This is the only way for me to get her to calm down. We had to repeat it twice because she kept getting up. But she did do it. Afterwards I scooped her up and we had a long talk. I told her why she was in trouble and that there would be no TV tonight. That we can read some books and play with her toys..But no TV. I did offer her 10 min of TV after bath time. This is when I usually blow dry her hair and it seemed fair. But absolutely no Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast. She finally calmed down. She did ask 100 or so times if she could watch Cinderella and we just kept telling her no. At least the tears had stopped and she realized her mama and tata where serious.

Honestly, I must admit I like this part. It doesn't bother me like it used to when she would cry. I know I can calm her and comfort her but I also know that I can teach her between right and wrong. That is my job. I am sure she will appreciate it one of these days.

Today's collage is a little of Sophia having bath time and some other misc pics. I was trying to point out her pretty hair and her organizational skills.

Yes, I love being a Mama

This first 4 months of being a mom where the hardest times of my entire life. I think the combination of dealing with mild depression and super nigh anxiety made it even worse for me. I remember screaming all the time "I will never do this again!" and feeling like the worse mother in the world because I just didn't feel that connection. All I felt was this burden and thinking to myself why would I even consider bringing a baby into my crazy world. I am going to screw this up. I am going to fail. My daughter is going to hate me for screwing her up. I also thought to myself that I would never want to do this again. Never go through a hard pregnancy, never live with a newborn, never give all of myself to a baby again.

Then one day something clicked. Day by day it became easier. My depression was getting better. My energy was increasing. It could have been the sleep deprivation was wearing off. But I had changed. I had my routine with my baby girl. While sure some days where harder than others but I actually learned to handle having her in my life. Taking care of her every need. Being the one she calls for when she is scared or hurt. I figured out how to be a mama. I LOVE every second of it. Even the tantrums and her moodiness. I am still her Mama. I am still the one she depends on. She makes me laugh everyday. Her personality is so confident. She makes me want to be a good mom to her.

Sandro told me the other day how he has watched me transition into a mother. That he is amazed that I handle her so well. This touched my heart. Had it been that obvious to him that I had changed? Could a person transform so quickly and be so different. I always thought to myself that I was a selfish person. That I sometimes forget about everyone else and just think of my wants. But maybe I am not as selfish as I thought I was.

My heart has been telling me lately that I am ready for another. Sophia is almost officially out of diapers. I am not getting any younger. I think I am ready to do the newborn stage all over again. This time I will know what to expect. This time I will gear up for those really challenging days and maybe, just maybe I will really enjoy it.

Some Styles from Miss Sophia

VDay Weekend & Carter's Birthday

Due to our crazy busy weekday schedules we wanted to celebrate the prior weekend. However, Sandro called it more a date night than a Vday Weekend celebration. He isn't really a fan of Valentine's day. Nor any other commercial holiday but he knows that I am into it and still goes along with whatever I want to do. I heard that my favorite band was coming to town. The Green. I was so excited. I heard this band for the first time when we went to HI. I now listen to their CD at least once a day. Me = Addicted It's a semi Reggae Music with a little bit of a island feel. So I got all gussied up. We dropped Sophia at my in-laws. She was spending the night because it was a late concert. We had some yummy Sushi rolls at Chaucer's. Seriously hands down out favorite place to get sushi.

The next morning we picked up Sophia for Carter's birthday party (which was at 11:00 a.m.). We where told that she had awoken at 4:30 that morning. This could not be good. This means she will be super grouchy at the party and just no fun to be around until she had her daily nap. So we took her anyway. She was pretty ant-Social most of the time. Carter had his whole family there which included a ton of older boy cousins. Sophia was too young for the crowd. She just marches to her own drummer and just didn't seem all that interested. When it came time to blow out the candles Sophia had a poo poo accident and missed it all. She tried but didn't quite make it. She was very content arranging all the baby dolls in the play house so they can "sleep"..."ssshhh shhhh mama..they sleeping" whispered Sophia. She is so amazingly cute. Of course upon our exit she had a tantrum when we left. She screamed at me as I was putting her in her car seat "Sophia not tired" and five minutes later out like a light for 3 straight hours. Mama knows best my love.

Looking Back

Here are a few images of when I was little. Do I look anything like Sophia?

Sophia's Class Photo

It's been a crazy week. Or really I have been lazy. I suppose a combination of both. I just wanted to share Sophia cute class photo. She knows all the name of every kid in her classroom. She loves all her classmates. This weekend she is going to Carter's Birthday Party. She is so excited.

Brief History of Me pt 2

So after learning that I loved computers I quickly became intrigued with learning how I could begin my career in this field. I worked for Texas Parks & Wildlife for a few summers and then I worked my senior year at Bastrop Central Appraisal District as Tax collectors assistant. This is when I learned of a business college that didn't require crazy exams or a ton of work to get in. (ESS College of Business **which is now closed) However, it was all the way in Dallas. I didn't even research my options to go somewhere locally (yes fail) but all I saw was opportunity and a way to get out of this small unforgiving town. I felt if I had stayed in Bastrop I would have been barefoot and pregnant and just generally unhappy.

As soon as graduation came, my foot was nearly out the door. I was ready to begin my life. I was ready to be on my own. Of course when I arrived this feeling only lasted a few months. The college partying days where just too irresistible. I think I finished about 3 semesters and it fizzled out and I never did get my associate degree. I did start working at Ticketmaster to make some money as a sales floor manager. It was okay but it started to get really annoying. I applied for my first real job as a contractor for Microsoft. Swoon.

I was in love. Love I tell you. I loved everything about working at Microsoft. Loved all the computers. Loved doing the call center gig. I could do it forever. But I couldn't stop partying. I gained a ton of weight during this time. Microsoft had the BEST cafeteria! Also, this was just a contract position and it had it's 12 month term that never got extended. Too bad the dream ended. I was able to find another job as a customer service rep. Mistake #548 taking a job you don't really want. It was the first and only time I was "let go." I quickly found another job at another big computer company, IBM.

Again, only (at first) pure love for this company. It was a contract position of course. But it was a long term contract that didn't end. I loved all the computers and the job. I loved talking about software support all day long. I loved my coworkers. I made friends. It was pure happiness. Then 2 years into the job I started to get depressed. (gained even more weight) I wasn't happy with myself. I learned they never hired contractors to full time. I worked my ass off for this company but they never would hire me. This is when I decided to go back to school. It was time for me get off my ass and make something of myself. I had to change my mindset. I had to try harder or I could just lead myself into absolute misery.

To be continued.....

Resolutions Check - in

Yesterday was Terrible. Yes with a capital T. Sophia decided that it was National Pee (and poop) in My Pants day. She had so many accidents. It seems she was doing it to drive me crazy. She just refused to go in the potty. Not sure why she decided it was best to pee in her pants. Sometimes I think it's my fault. We started to late and she just is so smart and realizes there is no real benefit to peeing in the potty. (Other than to be clean.) Really no benefits for her. There will be better days.

I was a little stressed lately. I need to revisit my #7 resolution more. I must be more positive. I don't have it all that bad. It's called life and I need to just move forward and onward.

Update on the Resolutions

1) Write in my blog at the minimal of 2 times a week - 7 Times in a 4 week month isn't too terrible. Lets see if I can keep it up.

2) Lose 15 pounds and maintain my already 50 pound weight loss.- Not going so well. No real weight loss yet from last month. Me = Sad Panda. I worked out every single day that I was able. Worked out 26 times & 25 miles ran ... My personal goal is to run 25 miles a month. I track this in sparkpeople. My weight has been up and down all months. Up 5 down 5.

3) Sandro returns to school to begin working on this masters. - Classes began Jan 11th.

4) To both get raises this year. - Sandro completed this already. Nearly a 12% raise over all.

5) Pay off truck and start saving for baby #2. - In Progress. Making good head way. Made our first double payment last month. Plan to start paying $500 towards the principal per month. Once the raise kicks in.

6) If we stay on plan that means we will TTC #2 by October 2012. - In Progress

7) To keep myself motivated I just have to be more positive. - In Progress

8) Run a 5k competitively. - NOT Complete

9) Embrace my girlie side. - In Progress