Yes, I love being a Mama

This first 4 months of being a mom where the hardest times of my entire life. I think the combination of dealing with mild depression and super nigh anxiety made it even worse for me. I remember screaming all the time "I will never do this again!" and feeling like the worse mother in the world because I just didn't feel that connection. All I felt was this burden and thinking to myself why would I even consider bringing a baby into my crazy world. I am going to screw this up. I am going to fail. My daughter is going to hate me for screwing her up. I also thought to myself that I would never want to do this again. Never go through a hard pregnancy, never live with a newborn, never give all of myself to a baby again.

Then one day something clicked. Day by day it became easier. My depression was getting better. My energy was increasing. It could have been the sleep deprivation was wearing off. But I had changed. I had my routine with my baby girl. While sure some days where harder than others but I actually learned to handle having her in my life. Taking care of her every need. Being the one she calls for when she is scared or hurt. I figured out how to be a mama. I LOVE every second of it. Even the tantrums and her moodiness. I am still her Mama. I am still the one she depends on. She makes me laugh everyday. Her personality is so confident. She makes me want to be a good mom to her.

Sandro told me the other day how he has watched me transition into a mother. That he is amazed that I handle her so well. This touched my heart. Had it been that obvious to him that I had changed? Could a person transform so quickly and be so different. I always thought to myself that I was a selfish person. That I sometimes forget about everyone else and just think of my wants. But maybe I am not as selfish as I thought I was.

My heart has been telling me lately that I am ready for another. Sophia is almost officially out of diapers. I am not getting any younger. I think I am ready to do the newborn stage all over again. This time I will know what to expect. This time I will gear up for those really challenging days and maybe, just maybe I will really enjoy it.

Some Styles from Miss Sophia